Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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