I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
