Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
