PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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