im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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