Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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