I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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