Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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