Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
