He uses pillows to masturbate.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
