like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you win again, gameday.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
