break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
