If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
