Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
organizing the empties. That sober.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Randomize
