went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
