Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
