i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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