Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
