My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So much rum. So many feels.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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