I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
