I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
