she woke up with a sticky ear
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
