my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So much rum. So many feels.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
