he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
