Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
