worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize