guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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