I wish my penis had an off switch
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
