Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Farmville is her only friend.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
