imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
