He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
