420 ftw
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
