I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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