I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
