I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
