Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize