i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
