So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
being pregnant is like rehab
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
