oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
50% drunk capacity currently
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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