Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
