Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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