I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
sarcasm needs its own font
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize