OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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