I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
