He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
