I puked a lego.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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