i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
