and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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