The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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