I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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