My nipple is on Facebook.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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