Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It's rum buckets o'clock
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
