i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
