dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
