I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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