The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
