I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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