I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
