Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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