I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
