We named our party play list daddy issues
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
