Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He did a backflip because drugs
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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