It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
