Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
