I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
