I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
