I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
