I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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