Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
