Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
